There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
