Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
