My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
