apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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