My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
