Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
