Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
