I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
