Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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