in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
