I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
