It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
