did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
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Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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