I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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