I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize