he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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