she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We have so much sex to catch up on
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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