I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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