I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
