I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
