yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
