its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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