i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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