So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
