he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
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and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
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Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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