I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
