We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
