and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
