And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you never un-have a 4some
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
