we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
