Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
