shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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