im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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