he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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