The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
