Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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