My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
