very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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