Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Rumble strips road head = magical
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
