I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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