once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
