I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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