she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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