I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
