I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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