My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
