I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
