I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
