Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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