I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
