Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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