Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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