we should wear snuggies to the strip club
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
