I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
