how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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