About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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