maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
