Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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