I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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