its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need to calm my uterus...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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