Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
